Forgive me for my absence from The Outer Courts these past couple of days; I haven't been myself since Eugenie "Genie" Bouchard confessed to having a crush on Justin Bieber. Ugh, I almost vomited typing that.
After her quarterfinals victory earlier this week, tennis' new sweetheart told courtside commentator Sam Smith that Bieber would be her
The Biebs, who was arrested last night in Miami -- not a good look, bro -- added fuel to the fire the next day by tweeting Genie, our Genie, before her semifinal match against Li Na.
@geniebouchard good luck :)
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) January 22, 2014
I almost vomited reading it again. Nope... wait... yup... there it was... just vomited.
Bouchard lost that semifinal match -- his words are worthless to you! -- but she is still the hottest thing going, literally, in women's tennis right now. And it's a damn shame she has eyes on Bieber when there are so many single, charming, moderately attractive, out-of-shape, well-mannered, disease-free tennis bloggers from Kentucky out there.
If these two ever become anything more than a good luck/smiley face tweet, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. It must stop now, before it's late.